


A Letter To The Man Who May Someday Love My Wife

by mochocho



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Blue Christmeth 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 17:24:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9247934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochocho/pseuds/mochocho
Summary: Hank reminisces.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [What_we_are](https://archiveofourown.org/users/What_we_are/gifts).



> Based off What_we_are's prompt "I'm curious about Hank's point of view on his marriage. Maybe glimpses of when things are going well and when they're not going well."
> 
> I hope you like this, and I hope it's what you had in mind! :)

How could one describe Marie Schrader?

 

  
Seriously, though... what do I even say to that question?

 

  
_"Oh yeah, she's my wife, she has brown hair, she gets stressed over fuckin' nothing, her favorite color is purple..."_ Surely all of that is obvious to someone as soon as they meet her, it's not exactly this big secret or anything. Also, there is so much more to Marie then that, I just... don't have the words to try and say what I wanna say. I've never been the greatest with words, exactly, I was always more of a sports kinda guy. Not that I didn't read or anything, I studied Shakespeare once. Well... 'studied' is a strong word. I read _Romeo and Juliet_. And by 'read' I mean I watched half the movie and then fell asleep. I tried to be romantic once and compared myself and Marie to Romeo and Juliet, hoping she would be so taken aback by my charm that I would still get laid that night even though Marie had already said she had a headache.

 

_"Hank, you do realise they both die in the end, right?"_

_"Juliet was only thirteen when she met Romeo! She was a child, Hank, she was younger than Junior!"_

_"Why you would think that was an appropriate comparison to make, I don't know-"_

 

Yeah... so uh, maybe words aren't one of my strengths. I've never really needed 'em, as a cop all you need is a quick brain and a passion for taking down those drug-dealing scumbags and delivering them some well-earned **_JUSTICE_**. I don't really need to find the words to describe how that feels to me, you can already see it on my face, in my eyes. Pure fuckin' _joy_. It's what I was made to do. I still remember when I made my first arrest, it was like this rush of fuckin' adrenaline shooting through my body all of a sudden, making me feel like I could do anything, making me feel like I was on top of the world. I mean, I don't do drugs, I'm in the DEA for Christ's sake, but I imagine it probably felt similar to that. God, it's addictive. No wonder people will risk jail time and shit just to smoke some crystal or whatever.

 

  
Anyway. Back to Marie.

 

  
Marie... she feels things very deeply. I would call it 'overreacting' but I don't say that out loud because she'd probably, well... overreact. When she gets angry with me, she gets VERY angry and I have to stay away for a couple of hours while she calms down. I can understand that, sort of. I get angry too, just not like she does. I can be frustrated for a bit but then find a way to distract myself. She holds it all in. I imagine it like this poisonous gas filling her body and taking over her brain, like... like a fuckin' zombie or something. Actually, no, not like a zombie. Zombies don't yell at me. Zombies don't make me feel guilty, like I've done something wrong. I'd rather deal with a zombie than an angry Marie, any day...

 

Okay, so that sounds really bad. I don't mean it in a bad way, I love her, really. The opposite side of things is that she loves very deeply too. She loves me, she loves Skyler (even after everything), she loves the kids. More than anything, probably more than herself. I wouldn't be surprised if she happily threw herself in front of a bullet for any of them, although that's really difficult to think about. I wouldn't want her to throw herself in front of a bullet, but she would. Mostly out of love, but part of that would probably just be to spite me, cause I don't want her to do it. If I don't want her to do something, then Marie would go out of her way to do it anyway. She takes it as a challenge, and while it sometimes frustrates me, it's also why I call her my _little tiger_ inside my head. Cause she's little but she's fierce and she doesn't take any shit and I love that about her. I would never admit it, cause it would just encourage her to do more stupid shit, but it's one of the reasons why I fell in love with her.

 

  
We were twenty-one when we first met. Basically kids, but at the time we liked to think of themselves as full-on adults (at least Marie did; I was still overjoyed with the fact that I could now legally drink). I only really wanted to get laid at first but I knew Marie was the kind of girl that wouldn't do anything with me until after we had been to dinner three times and had had coffee twice and been to the movies and _blah blah blah_ so I asked her out on a date - one which turned out to be amongst the best nights of my life.

Seriously. It fuckin' surprised me too.

I wore this stupid suit that was uncomfortable and didn't fit me properly, but Marie didn't even care... she should've cared though, she was fuckin' beautiful. She had on this dress that I guess you could call conservative but even covered up she was the hottest woman in the world that night. I know that sounds cheesy but I mean it... God you should've seen her. We went out to dinner and I couldn't even eat, I was so nervous. She was gorgeous. Not that's she's not gorgeous every single day. Even in her pyjamas with her hair messy in the morning with no make up on... she is so much out of my league it's not funny.

 

I really should've told her that more often.

 

  
But she's not just beautiful on the outside, she's an angel on the inside too. Really. I'm not the most exciting of guys, but Marie, she's fuckin' vibrant, man! It's insane how much joy she could bring me every day, I can't even describe how, but you'll see, I promise you. She's smart too, she has a sharp brain, even though sometimes she doesn't always make the most sensible of choices.

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

You might just have to look past the whole shoplifting thing... it only happens when she's stressed or upset and her mental health's taking a dive. Get her to see Dave again, he really helped her last time. I don't really get it, therapy... it always seemed kinda pointless to me, sitting around just talking about your problems, but I saw the difference in Marie almost immediately so maybe it does do something, at least for her. I always needed to just go out and do shit, y'know.

After I was shot the first time... well, even I can admit I was a little depressed. I didn't think I would walk ever again and the idea of that... I couldn't handle it. I took it out on Marie even though she was trying so hard to make me happy. Did you know I snapped at her because she got me the wrong kind of snack? And that whole mineral thing... Jesus. I mean... it's true that they _weren't_ rocks - they were _minerals_ , but maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on her about it. I dunno. It's easy to look at things in hindsight and be able to tell you should've handled it differently, but at the time I was just so frustrated and so... this sounds kinda stupid, but I was so heartbroken after trying so hard to walk and feeling like I wasn't making any progress at all. That's not an excuse though. I should've spoken to her about it, I should've been honest and stopped taking out my frustration on her. That would've been the right thing to do. If there's one piece of advice I could give you, it would be to talk to her, about everything, even the silly little things. She likes it when you do that. I should've done it more often.

 

  
Anyway, I'm ramblin' on about me again.

 

  
Make sure she keeps speaking to Skyler, don't give up on that. Marie will probably be determined to hate her for the rest of her life and to be perfectly honest, I can't blame her... God Walter is a piece of shit... but she needs her sister and she needs the kids more than the air she fuckin' breathes, believe me, I know. Early on in our marriage they had this huge fight about god knows what... it was something really stupid, I don't even remember now... but Marie and Skyler stopped talking and Marie was absolutely miserable. And I don't mean just a little sad or whatever, she was... a wreck. I had to basically drag Skyler over to our place and make them apologise to each other so she would get out of bed, that's how bad it was. Don't let that happen again, promise me that. Force them to see each other if they have to. Force them to make conversation, even about trivial shit. Make sure Marie gets to spend time with Holly and Junior. I don't want her to distance herself from everyone she loves - cause I know she'll do that if she could, whether it's intentional or not. She needs them. Especially now. Don't let her turn into a fuckin' hermit or anything.

 

She's probably never gonna know about my final moments out there in the desert, Gomie lying dead a few metres away, a gun being pointed at my head by some fuckin' asshole who showed up out of nowhere, Walter begging for my life as though he's not the one who caused all this shit in the first place. I'd prefer it that way I think. I know she'd be desperate to know, I know she'd want that closure but I can't handle the thought of her hearing that in explicit detail, being forced to re-live it over and over again in her imagination... and she certainly has a wild imagination. All I hope is that she knows I was thinking of her. Her smile and her laugh and the way she flips her hair back. The way she cries at the drop of a hat when we watch movies, the way she sings in the shower, the way she loves so deeply and unconditionally. I hope you will appreciate her, with all her flaws and all her strengths. I hope you will love her the way she deserves to be loved.

It does hurt to think about her being with someone else, but I know you'll do good by her, and I know you're probably pretty special if she's chosen you. Marie's picky, she wouldn't just choose anyone. I mean, yeah, she chose me, and I'm sure you've already figured out that I wasn't at all deserving of her... but then again, no one's really deserving of Marie. We're just fuckin' lucky.

 

  
Sincerely,

 

Hank Schrader

 

  
P.S:

Okay, it may seem like I'm making a lot of demands, alright, but don't you dare even think about hurting her, I will come back and haunt your fuckin' ass forever, I hope you understand that. I'm in the DEA motherfucker, I can make your life a living hell!

Oh and give Holly a hug for me, would ya!


End file.
